I’m so distressed by trying to use the phone that I almost always end up unconscious on the floor if I attempt to make a call. I freak out in many stores (used to be all stores, but have made some considerable progress). I’m terrified of social situations and avoid most like the plague. And yet…
A week ago I was asked if I would be willing (and able) to give a talk on ham radio in the 1920’s at the next club meeting. I said sure, sounds like fun! How is it that I can get up and talk in front of a group like this, but virtually every social situation terrifies me? A great many people have phobias about public speaking, yet it is one of the few things that don’t terrify and terrorize me. 1920’s radio is a new interest which I am deeply “into” at the moment.
I had only a week to prepare, which meant burning the midnight oil putting finishing touches on a piece of 1929 radio gear I had recently built, deciding what I wanted to say and making an outline, researching a few points to be sure I had my facts straight, locating audio files to demonstrate what radio sounded like back then, and resurrecting a long dead laptop which I planned to use to play those audio samples. My days are completely filled with feverish work trying to get this place ready for winter. Fortunately, I can’t sleep well lately anyway.
Everything was ready in time. Last night I gave my talk at the meeting. It was only about 20 minutes, because wouldn’t you know the laptop died (again). I was deeply disappointed at not being able to play the sound files, but otherwise the talk went well and was low stress. I had several questions and lots of interest in my project after the meeting was over.
How enigmatic am I? Upon learning of my plan to do this, my daily living support worker suggested (jestfully) that I am really strange. To which I replied “You’re just figuring that out, after a year and a half?” It was a light moment. I enjoy that sort of banter with people I know well enough to be comfortable. When you think about it, that’s not the only thing strange here. Given my extreme anxiety about talking to people, it is more than a bit peculiar I chose a hobby that is all about communications!
Paul…I have weird ways, too as far as using the phone, social situations, & sometimes stores, but I also have it with speeches & that sort of thing so yeah it is kind of strange that you’re able to do those sorts of things, but not the rest. I wonder why? Not that it’s a bad thing or that you’re weird in a bad way….just like you said a bit peculiar. When you are doing public speaking, do you look at people in the face/eyes? Or do you look over them? I was thinking maybe if you kind of act like they’re not there that maybe that’s why it’s easier. Hmmm I’m at a loss. I have a really bad thing about dialing numbers on the phone & for the life of me don’t know why. I’m fine once I get on the damn thing. It’s just making the call. My family all call me ’cause they know I won’t call them or my closest family. Many I just don’t hear from. I had to call today to schedule an appointment to have my oil changed, tires rotated, etc & I practically begged Jason, my husband, to do it, & he was at work & finally said he was having a busy moment. So, I broke down & called, but I could feel my heart racing & was a bit panicky. Fine after I got on there, though. I hope maybe you can figure out why you have these moments in one situation but not others. I’d like to know why if ever that can be figured out. 🙂
Angel
Thanks Angel,
Your comments really got me to thinking. I’ve known for a very long time some of the reasons I’m so afraid of social interaction in everyday situations. But I never really thought about what is different about public speaking. Now that I’m really thinking about it, it’s beginning to make sense. I think this is worth of a post of its own, so I will do that instead of putting it all here in this comment.
To answer your question, yes I do make eye contact with people when I am speaking to a group.
I often end up unconscious on the floor (or wherever) when trying to make calls to schedule things like that! I know that panicky feeling you mention very well.
Paul
Sometimes people find themselves enjoying hobbies which seem to be a direct opposition to their personality because we all have a “self” and a “shadow self”. It is that other part of us, the shadow, finding a way to be alive & to to thrive. This is a way of being a “whole” person. Jules
Hey Jules,
I like that thought! Perhaps because I have so much difficulty communicating with others in typical ways… face to face on on the phone… I found another way of doing it (within certain bounds) as a means of offsetting that and being more “whole”. Very intriguing thought.
Best wishes,
Paul