A comment to my last post started me thinking about why I am able to speak in front of a group, but panic in even the simplest social situations. It should have been obvious all along, but I guess I never really analyzed it before.
First of all, if I’m going to speak in front of a group, I don’t have to make the initial contact. It’s not like picking up the phone and telling someone who I am and what I want, or walking into a business and saying why I’m there or any of that perfectly horrifying stuff! Instead, someone introduces me and gives the audience some idea what I will be talking about. So one of the hardest things is done for me!
If I’m speaking to a group, it is on a topic that I know and feel confident about. If anyone asks a question, it will be about the topic of my speech, which again, I know something about. It’s not like that with most human interactions. I never feel confident about everyday stuff. I always feel I don’t know what I’m talking about, don’t have enough experience with life, don’t know what to say. Sometimes I get asked questions I wasn’t expecting and give an answer that gets me in difficulty. Like saying yes if I’m asked to do something, only to have severe panic attacks about it.
Somehow I thought this subject would make for a longer post, but really that’s about all there is to it. If only I could have some confidence that I know what I’m saying or doing in everyday situations!
Hi Paul,
First of all, thank you again for your support re my appt, that was really helpful!
I also wanted to say I was glad to know that you will be ok even if you can’t finish the project in your house in a timely manner. And taking care of your health is really the most important thing, making sure to rest enough, eat right etc.
Congratulations for being able to speak in public, this is really amazing and so cool! To me it’s another example of how we are all complex creatures who can’t be reduced to a condition. You have anxiety but this is only one aspect of you. You have many others, and are able to do and accomplish a lot of different things. Having anxiety just makes these accomplishments more significant and meaningful.
I think the question as to why some things cause anxiety and others not is very interesting. Some of my issues I can trace back to bad experiences in the past. I was not badly phobic of going to doctors until I had a bad experience, for instance. But others I can’t trace back to any experience. Maybe I just forgot about the causing experience. Or it was an accumulation of small, unremarkable but unpleasant experiences. I’m not sure.
Maybe more importantly, more often than not, knowing the origin does not seem to be enough to get over it for me. It’s just a first step.
As always, thanks for all you write!
Best wishes,
Nadia
I’m afraid rest and proper eating have gone out the window. See my latest post. But this is nothing new. I will survive. I’m too stubborn to do anything else!
I can’t trace most of mine back to any particular experience. Crazy as it may seem, I continue to perceive that much of my difficulty stems from not learning to do things early in life as most people do. By the time I started venturing into the world and trying to do everyday things, I already felt years behind everyone else. I felt stupid, extremely self conscious about trying to learn things at a later age than most. I didn’t know what to say even in the simplest of situations. I didn’t know how to conduct business, how to use debit card machines, how to act in public… the list goes on and on. The older I got the harder it became to try to learn, the more anxiety and panic I had when trying.
As I’ve mentioned before there are probably other contributing factors, such as some chemical imbalance or abnormality in my brain. But I think had I got started in the world earlier in life things might have worked out better. Maybe I’m kidding myself. Maybe this is just an excuse. I’m honestly not sure. I just know how I feel.
Best regards,
Paul
User Julesw2 tried to post the following comments but encountered what appears to be a random error. I thought her suggestions might be helpful to other readers, so instead of asking her to re-type the whole thing I asked and obtained permission to post the comment. — Paul
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Julesw2 says:
I know that on some occasions I will feel comfortable going into a store, finding an item I want and paying for it. I am not always comfortable with interaction with others. Once in a while due to gripping anxiety… I will write down on a notepad questions and answers so that I am prepared for my store visit. The clerk will usually assume that I am deaf, mute, have laryngitis or strep throat. And I don\’t have to wrestle with speech.
So say that all I wanted to do was go into Walgreens & buy a tube of toothpaste, paper plates, doritos and a magazine. I would write down on my paper:
Walgreens grocery list:
Crest Toothpaste, Pro-Health,Clean Mint (1 tube)
Paper plates – Sturdy, not flimsy, 8\” (1 pack)
Doritos – Nacho cheese (1 bag)
Magazine – In Touch, Us Weekly or People (1 mag.)
Say I\’d never been in a Walgreens before….I would write down the following:
Customer Question 1. Can you please let me know what aisles each of the 4 items I am looking for are in?
Response: Thank you for your help.
Clerk Question 1: Did you find everything you need?
Answer: Yes, thank you.
Clerk Question 2: Is there anything else I can help you with?
Answer: No, but thank you.
Clerk Question 3: Are you having a good day/evening?
Answer: I am having a fine day, thank you for asking.
Clerk Question 4: Have you gotten all your holiday shopping done? Answer: Not yet
Clerk Question 5: How are you today?
Answer: I\’m fine, thank you for asking
Clerk Question 6: Would you like to pay cash, credit or debit? Answer: Debit
(On to the next page)
Then I would remind myself how to deal with the debit questions…
Debit Question 1: Enter your pin
Answer: My pin number is: 1234
Debit Question 2: Is this amount okay?
Answer: Yes
Debit Question 3: Would you like cash back?
Answer: No
Debit Question4: Would you like to donate $1 to blah blah blah Answer: Yes
And then I’d try and kind of half smile, maybe wave & leave. Is it the ideal way to deal with that type of situation? No, absolutely not. But when in doubt it does work. I have done it many times. I especially plot out answers & questions for doctors answers before every stepping foot in their practice.
Jules
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