For the past week I have been trying every day to get to the local building supplies place and have them deliver materials for my project. Every attempt has ended in disaster with panic attack after panic attack after panic attack. It’s just not something I can do. I’m completely out of food at this point because the efforts to get those other supplies has been all-consuming and raised panic to such a level as to make any other venture outside my safe zone impossible.
It has rained for three days, so I made no progress on the work. Not that there is much I can do without additional materials anyway. The rain got to my pile of materials despite the tarps, so I had to bring everything inside and pile it right in the middle of the area I’m trying to work on! I have six days left before the extractions. There is no possible way I could complete the project in that time even if I had everything today. I’m desperately hoping I can somehow complete the most critical of the outside work by partially tearing apart one of my storage buildings for materials. I am not sure how well I will be able to work given my current state of anxiety and malnutrition but try I must and try I will.
I’ve been very anxious most of the time. I lie there at night hyperventilating and feeling as though my world is ending. It’s not, but it feels like it is. Surely this is in part due to the sustained effort to get materials and repeated failures. I have no doubt it is partly anticipatory anxiety about the upcoming procedure and recovery.
Paul,
I think it’s time for you to get some help. Can anybody bring you some food? Please don’t feel bad about asking people for help. You deserve it, every human being does. And there’s people who would be happy to help you!
Best wishes,
Nadia
This post (for whatever odd reason) gave me an idea. Local schools often like to have people come by for a presentation to a classroom of children.
Perhaps you can pick an age range/grade level that you may feel comfortable talking with and set up a small 5-10 minute ham radio presentation with only 5 minutes allowed for questions.
I would pick a class that is interested in learning about science, electronics, how thinks work, communications, why morse code is good to know, etc.
It could be a safe, short spent time period that is spent in a relatively safe environment.
Jules
I did that once, many years ago. The actual dealing with students was fun, but I had the same problems I always do… getting in the door, getting put in touch with the right person (teacher), etc. I would do it again if I had someone to go with and help get me through that part.
Best wishes,
Paul