I feel like screaming! Just when I thought I might have a chance to catch up on some of the things I’ve been struggling with all summer, a higher priority has arisen. Those wounds on Boo are getting worse at an alarming rate and his allergic rash has returned. He must see the vet again. Since I’m not able to make or keep that appointment on my own that will eat up more time with my workers.
This is the very worst kind of stress for me. I can’t handle having a sick animal, watching it suffer and not being able to do much for it. Or not being able to get it help quickly. Nothing sends me into a dangerous tailspin any quicker. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I find myself wishing I could go to sleep and never wake up.
I love Boo, but having him is a threat to my well being when he gets sick. I have long been aware of this issue and had a rule to prevent problems. As much as I like cats, I was never going to have one as long as I live alone. Boo was accidental. He was my Mom’s cat. When Mom had to go to a nursing home three years ago, Boo needed a place to stay. We thought it would be a few weeks at most, so I brought him home with me. The trouble with temporary arrangements is they have a way of becoming permanent.
With any other cat, I would find another home for it. I don’t think I can do that with Boo. He is perhaps the most timid cat I have ever known. It takes him a very long time to get used to new people. He is frightened very easily. He would only do well in a quiet, uneventful home. I would never be able to take him to a shelter or give him to someone I don’t know well. Unfortunately I don’t know anyone who wants and could have a cat whose home meets his needs. I need a quiet, uneventful home myself. I’ve seen what happens when I don’t have that and consider it a miracle I survived. Given that history, I cannot bear the thought of condemning Boo to a home that causes him to be miserable.
On the other hand I have to consider the possibility it is something in my home that is making him sick. He was four when he came to live with me and had never shown any signs of allergies. Within a few months of coming here his problems started; intermittent at first, but becoming more and more frequent and now apparently constant. My own allergies seem far worse than usual these past few months, correlating rather well with Boo’s recurrence. It may be just coincidence, but begs the question whether we are both reacting to the same environmental factor.
There is nothing to do but get him back to the vet and hope we can get his continuing health problems under control. The vet said he could be tested to see what he is allergic to and have a special vaccine made for him. The test is very expensive. I didn’t ask about the ongoing cost of care, but expect that’s not cheap either. Of course I will spend whatever it takes to make Boo comfortable and healthy, no matter what the sacrifice.
Both my case manager and DLSS worker will be here today. Even though I desperately need help dealing with this situation I am dreading it. My discomfort with the new case manager continues to grow.