I just deleted a post I made yesterday because I have come to believe I may have drawn a premature conclusion. It was about caffeine and what I (incorrectly?) surmised were changes in the way it affects me.
Suffice to say I am going through a particularly difficult time with regard to persistent anxiety and intense anxiety attacks. They are not the same thing! The early morning attacks have returned and are worse than ever. This morning I awoke shaking, probably hyperventilating, sweating, unable to move or speak! All I could do – literally – was lie there and wait for it to pass. Which it eventually did, after torturing me for a while. These early morning attacks continue to lack any particular focus. It is just an intense feeling of impending doom, an absolute certainty that something unspeakably horrible is about to happen – but with not even the vaguest notion what that might be.
During the day I am experiencing elevated anxiety about a few things. This can’t be described as attacks. It is more an ever present, gnawing, grinding, wear you down type of anxiety. It invades every thought, impedes every action. It make accomplishing any task nearly impossible. Perhaps this triggers the unfocused morning attacks.
I am very anxious about a planned visit with my father at the nursing home on Tuesday. It is always very stressful for me there, with all the people around. It is worse this time. I haven’t seen him in many months. I have no idea what his condition is at this point, since I get no news whatsoever.
I am very anxious about the remainder of the appointments to get fitted for dentures. Jessica had mentioned that it would go faster if she and my case manager shared the load – meaning that I would have to attend some of those appointments with my case manager, which I am not at all comfortable with. I was hoping this would come up for discussion when we met Thursday, but that had to be canceled. I will only see her once this week, and the subject is not likely to come up when we have to be out and about. Not only do we have plans to visit my father, but we also have to stop at her office and meet with two other people to review and revise my treatment plan. Now I am worried this subject won’t come up until it is too late, and I will get boxed into a situation that could have wide ranging consequences.
I’m furious with myself because I am still gaining weight even with all the exercise I’ve been getting. I need to get my eating under control, but of course it is driven by anxiety. I am very frustrated about not getting anything accomplished around the house. Like everything else, this is a result of too much anxiety.
It sounds like your mind is holding you hostage. Like it is caging you in like a zoo animal and making you pace back and forth hating being cramped inside.
Anxiety driven thoughts are often worthless…they have no meaning, no depth, no logic, no rational…and yet they are constantly inside the mind blabbing about whatever.
I understand gaining weight & not wanting to & have often suffered the same issue. I think that everyone who wants to lose weight goes through extreme anxiety & lots of stress over it.
How do you wake up? Just wondering if one of those aromatherapy units or soft music or classical music waking you up may help. Or maybe an early morning meditation… even if it is just reading a passage in a book and contemplating it for a couple of minutes.
I knew a guy online once that used to get up at the crack of dawn and almost immediately would go to the kitchen & fill up a bowl of water. He’d take that water outside and watch the sunrise. During this time he often said prayers. Though…that was not always the case…sometimes he just enjoyed the sunrise and drank it all in.
~Jules~
Usually I just wake up naturally. That is, I don’t use an alarm or anything. And usually that is OK. The problem is lately I have been waking up prematurely with these anxiety attacks full blown from the first moment of consciousness. The funny thing is, I don’t have the usual anxiety thoughts when this happens. I don’t really have any coherent thoughts at all, just lots of physical symptoms and a vague sense of “something horrible” without knowing what.
I like the idea of aroma or soothing music though. I will try leaving some music on all night (low volume of course) and see if I feel better when I wake up.
I can picture me going outside with a bowl of water at minus 30 degrees. I hope that guy lived in a warmer climate! 😉
Paul