Medical Issue and Major Anxiety

A minor medical issue (mostly a nuisance) I have had for some time suddenly took a turn that could have led to serious infection. Reluctantly I asked my case manager for assistance getting to the doctor to have it treated. We don’t communicate well and her approach is to watch from a distance, stepping in only if absolutely needed. That doesn’t work well with me. By the time I show outward signs of being in trouble, it is far too late to turn the situation around.

As expected, I was told I  needed a minor surgical procedure right away. Also as expected, I was left in a situation that caused a serious anxiety/panic attack during my initial visit about this issue. The procedure itself was relatively stress free. I wish I could say it was relatively pain free, but I can’t! It was after the procedure when I got into trouble. As usual, it is the little things. I had to find my way from the checkout window to the waiting area in order to ask my case manager to step in so we could schedule a follow-up appointment. That was all it took. It was an extremely anxiety provoking situation for me. I managed to get through it without passing out, but more than a week later I am still tormented by the trauma. I’m having trouble eating and sleeping. I re-live the event a hundred times a day against my will. It suddenly imposes itself on me no matter what I might be doing or how much my mind might seem to be occupied by other things.

Another attack happened during the follow-up visit, under similar circumstances. I was left to navigate from the exam room to checkout on my own. I panicked. My vision got so blurry I could not read signs to navigate, and I could barely stay on my feet. I have little memory of what happened next but I somehow manged to get out of there.

The initial procedure had been performed by two doctors – my new primary care provider, as of this visit, assisted by another physician as she had not performed this procedure on a case quite like mine before. The follow-up was with the other doctor – not my primary care provider. He gave me instructions on how to care for the wound. Unfortunately, I was not able to follow the instructions I had been given since the wound is on my back and very difficult to see (with the aid or a mirror), much less get to.  I attempted to call the office for further instructions, but had a severe attack and passed out during the call.

Once again I emailed my case manager for assistance. Meanwhile my DLS worker had communicated some of the issues I was having with this to my case manager. I’m not sure what was said, but apparently it was effective. My case manager went much further to prevent further problems with this visit. Finally, something that, if not a step forward, was at least not a step backward! The previous two bad experiences have had a profound effect, setting me back immeasurably in my efforts to become able to obtain health care unassisted.

This time I saw my new primary care provider. When she learned of the instructions I had been given by the other physician, she did not seem amused. She says I shouldn’t be trying to care for the wound at all, but should be coming in twice a week for four weeks to have it done. Egad! I’m relieved not to have to struggle with the near humanly impossible myself, but eight more visits!? If they all go without incident, perhaps that will be enough to nullify the detrimental effect of two negative experiences. If not…

Meanwhile I’m on light duty because of this. I’m quite uncomfortable with repeated bending and twisting motions, so the Spring yard work (mostly raking) hasn’t been done. It’s not looking too promising this year, but there’s not much I can do about it. I’m also unable to carry the backpack for several weeks, so I have had to revert to using the bicycle for shopping. I don’t like that, just when I had finally become quite comfortable with the other method and was benefiting from the exercise.