I couldn’t sleep at all last night. I felt ill. I was hyperventilating. My skin was crawling. I was having muscle spasms all over my body. I’m having a lot of anxiety about shopping for building materials this week. The plan is to resolve any questions that can be resolved by phone today, then go to the city (40 miles away) Wednesday to buy the stuff and arrange for the store to deliver it. My daily living support services worker will be helping with all this, but still I’m exploding with anxiety.
Usually I don’t struggle excessively with shopping at the big box home improvement centers like Lowe’s or Home Depot. This time is an exception because it involves things I have never done before. I’ve never had the store deliver things, and this will be a larger quantity than I have ever purchased in one trip. Although it looks like plywood is back in stock, I’m not sure the store will have enough of it. I’m not sure if I can pile all the stuff I need on one cart, wheeled platform, or whatever they call all those various types of rolling things. If I can get it all on there I’m not sure all the bar codes will be accessible for scanning at checkout. I think there is an area where you can park one or more rolling things you’ve loaded up while you’re loading another, then check out all at once. But I’ve never done that so I’m extremely nervous about it. I guess the problem is I’m not sure that is what people do. I’ve seen loaded rolling things parked there with no one around them and I’m guessing that is why. They were always pretty much crammed to full capacity. Maybe they were waiting to be loaded on a store truck for delivery. I just don’t know. I’m not sure how the delivery arrangements are handled. I don’t know what to say or what I will be asked to do. I see on their web site it says you must provide a photo ID and the credit card used to make the purchase at time of delivery to prove you are who you claim to be. It doesn’t say if that applies only to web site purchases, or if it is also applicable to in-store purchases that they deliver. I won’t be using a credit card so that could be a problem. All this stuff keeps churning around in my mind, driving me crazy!
I gave up trying to sleep around 4:00 AM, got up and was pacing around. I noticed Boo giving me that “Uh-oh, you’re freaked out” look. Now he is being unusually affectionate. He does that when I get really tied up in knots with anxiety. I think most cats understand a lot more than they get credit for, but perhaps Boo understands anxiety particularly well. We’ve always called him a very timid cat, but there are times he seems downright anxious. He has been that way since he was a kitten, long before he came to live with me, so I don’t think he is just imitating my behavior.
I have some chores to do this morning. I’m expecting my DLSS worker around noon to discuss plans for Wednesday and help with any phone calls that seem appropriate to prepare for this trip. Obviously I’m hoping all goes well, or at least well enough. There are no words to describe what it would do for my overall mental state if I could get some needed work done around here before winter.
Remnants of Irene came through here yesterday afternoon with wind gusts over 50 mph and heavy rain. I have a few tree branches down, but no apparent damage to my beloved antennas. The long, low runs of wire through the forest, used as special purpose receiving antennas, are probably down due to falling trees and branches. But that is a given after any good wind. I went out during the height of the storm yesterday to re-tension some tie-down ropes. The lawn felt like walking on a jell-o surface. Rain was coming down at such a rate the topsoil was liquefied. I can see footprints two to three inches deep wherever I walked yesterday. To quote Mr. Spock: Fascinating.