I had been thinking about going to church for several months. We always attended church when I was young – up to the age of 10 or so if my memory is to be trusted (which it often is not). I’ve never known why but my family just drifted away from it after that. I hadn’t thought much about religion or spirituality for many years, but recently I have had a desire to explore it. At the very least, it would be another badly needed social outlet for me. But I was having a great deal of anxiety about it. I wasn’t sure exactly how services are conducted these days. I mean the routine, etc. For me that is a stumbling block. The plan was to meet with the pastor of the church I was interested in and discuss some of these things first. However, I was having anxiety about that too!
On Sunday morning, April 21, something unexpected and inexplicable happened. I just decided I was going to church that day, despite not knowing exactly what it would be like. Actually that’s not quite accurate. I’m not even certain it was a conscious decision, exactly. It was more like I found myself doing it. I was nervous, but it went OK. I have returned each Sunday since then, four in all now.
My sister, whom I had a falling out with and had not really spoken to in three years, is a regular and very active in the church. I wasn’t sure how that was going to be either, but she has been giving me a ride home every week (I walk to church) and we are on friendly speaking terms at this point.
Only one aspect of this hasn’t gone smoothly. The second week I filled out a “guest card” and checked off the box indicating I would like a visit from the pastor. As it was, the following week turned out to be the peak of my recent anxiety spike, and I panicked when he called to arrange a meeting! I wasn’t very happy with myself about that. I haven’t had a chance to explain in any detail, but on the way into services the following Sunday I apologized for being hard to reach and said that I was having some issues right now and maybe it would be best to put off the meeting until I got back on my feet a little.