The Worst of Times

In my last post, nearly two months ago, I wondered if the struggle I had just been through was the bottom. I am here today to say it definitely was not! Shortly after making that post, the bottom dropped out… or as I like to say “the stinky stuff hit the rotary air mover”, if you know what I mean. 🙂

I was still reeling from the events of the summer when I was descended upon by the tyrannical census bureau. They send out letters saying they are conducting a survey, and that response is optional. But they give you no way to opt out. There is no option to complete the survey by mail or on the web, and they will not tell you what questions they plan to ask in advance. In addition to going into total panic, I have a ethical issues with completing surveys like that. What they fail to understand is that people who panic easily may give erroneous answers without intending to. They are so worried about degrading the integrity of their precious data if a few people refuse to answer, but they cannot see the potential for wrong answers contaminating the data just as much. I find that incredibly short sighted.

So I had a complete stranger coming to the door and calling constantly. At a better time I might have attempted to deal with this in some other way, but coming when it did I went totally into shutdown. I could not sleep. I could not eat. I could barely breathe through the panic I felt just being in my own home. I felt hunted by a predator. On top of this I had friends (acquaintances?) coming to the door often for various reasons, which also totally panicked me. There is no way I can see who is at the door or what car might be in the driveway without actually going to the door. This is a bad setup for me but the layout of the house makes it very difficult to do anything about it.

Things got so bad I grabbed a tent and took off. Living on the edge of a small, somewhat isolated town allowed me to find a spot to camp not far from home. Still, everything was a challenge. I had to walk more than three miles (each way) to get to town for supplies. I had to come home and hide out just prior to appointments with my DLS worker and case manager. Things were just ugly. I’m not going to write too many details about this experience, as I am trying to move on and put it behind me.

Eventually my case manager stomped on (not literally! 🙂 the person from the census bureau and they stopped bothering me. But it took several weeks to calm down enough to come home.  This is the major reason I am so delinquent on making posts here.