The good news is that review was completed successfully. The bad news is I was unable to manage and it had to be almost completely handled by my case manager, same as the last two years. This just seems to underscore the fact I’m still not able to get by on my own and creates serious worry as to what will happen when I find myself without these services.
I’m feeling hopelessly overwhelmed and depressed. I suppose I brought on the overwhelmed part myself, trying to do too much. But when you’ve lived a life of not being able to do the things you really want or need to, it is hard to not try to do all that you can. I find I keep overestimating my ability to handle multiple tasks or projects. I should be completing that home improvement project from last year. I should be cutting bushes and digging out stumps where I cleared an area two years ago. I should be thoroughly cleaning my house. I want to work on my antennas (though with all the noise problems here these days, I really don’t know that I will be on the radio much in the future). I want/need to get more work done on my repeater (weather continues to plague me on that). I want to get that project done for a friend (weather interfering). But with all these things on my to do list, I just feel hopelessly overwhelmed. I start to work on something and almost immediately lose focus. Productivity is near zero. Frustration is off the charts.
Money is a worry/frustration. It being obvious the walking lifestyle isn’t sustainable, I need to save every penny toward buying a vehicle, which means I don’t get to do much fun stuff. If I were able to get caught up on current projects it would also mean not being able to start any new ones. Home improvement projects will end permanently unless this lifestyle becomes manageable. There just is not enough room in the budget or owning a vehicle and fixing up the house.
I have more or less made the decision to give up the antique radio part of my hobby and sell off the parts I had collected. I love it but I just can’t afford it. Spending tends to get out of hand with that. I do love it so much, and when I run across a nice, rare antique part I just lose my self control. I wish I could sell all the stuff in one big lot. That would make it easier, but that’s not possible or practical. I will have to sell everything piece by piece on eBay. Doing so will prolong the agony of seeing it go. Now isn’t the season for that. Potential buyers are busy with summer activities. The items will fetch a better price in the Fall/Winter months when people are focused on that stuff again.
My eating has become worse than ever. I seem unable to find relief from stress, anxiety, and resulting depression anywhere, except for brief reprieves brought on by sugar or simple carbohydrates. It has gotten so bad this time my morning bowl of oatmeal turns into a “no bake” fudge oatmeal cookie. Actually it is more like the equivalent of many such cookies. Every day I resolve to make this the day it stops, but within hours I am climbing the walls and will do anything to find a moment’s relief, with total disregard for the consequences.
Hi Paul,
I’m glad the review was successful. And I can relate to feeling stressed, overwhelmed and discouraged, as I am going through something similar right now due to different reasons, as you know. I don’t know if it helps but here’s something I am trying: what if you can put your main focus on only one thing? Like chose one main thing you can try to focus your effort on and actually improve. I am trying that and chose food to start. I can’t control anything else (my husband finding a job, possibly losing our house, totally depleting our savings etc etc etc) so I’m focusing on food changes. I started to buy filling diet foods (like high fiber bars and shakes, stuff with 5g fiber or more) and eat those when I crave sugars or carbs. It has helped me a lot because they are very filling due to the fiber content. I also started walking every day again. I know it’s only a drop in the ocean of my problems but just seeing that the scale stopped going up everyday has been a slight mood buster of sorts.
As always, best wishes, and hang in there!
Nadia
Hi Nadia,
Congratulations on your success with changing the way you eat and the exercise! That’s great! Go Nadia! Yay!
I think putting the focus on just one thing is a great idea. I have done that in the past and it has helped me recover from situations like this. I have been trying to put the focus on my eating, but that hasn’t worked. I can’t suppress all the anxiety and stress arising from all the pressures on me, and the emotional turmoil of all that keeps causing my attempts at eating better to fail. I think for me, in my current situation, that was the wrong place to start.
I also tried to pick one task of the many facing me. I think if I could complete one of the simpler ones, that would help me move on to the next most complicated, and so on. Unfortunately weather continues to interfere with my attempts to get any of those simpler tasks done. Oh well… eventually it will have to change for the better.
Best wishes,
Paul