The day following my last post I had extra time with my DLS worker. We were able to do some shopping before the appointment, so I got some food. I was feeling particularly stressed, and for the first time in two years I bought a ton of junk food while accompanied by my worker. Shame and embarrassment have kept me from doing that before, since working toward healthy eating was an item I requested be put in my DLS treatment plan! But on this day, I just had to have junk food and nothing could hold me back.
The appointment with the dentist went OK. He made an adjustment which seems to be working. I am now able to wear the dentures without pain, though I’m not making a lot of progress on getting used to them yet. I can see this is going to be a much bigger adjustment than I thought.
After getting home, I started eating junk food. I ate so much sugar I made myself sick. This has become an addiction. Just like an alcoholic can’t stop drinking, I can’t stop eating sugar. I know it will eventually have serious health consequences, and I desperately want to stop, but I have no control. I’m reminded of the first step in twelve step programs… “Admitted I was powerless over…” Well, damn! I am powerless over it all right!
The next day I got up and immediately started loading up on sugar again. Once again, continued until I got sick, and even then didn’t stop! I did (somehow) manage to repair my riding lawn mower that day. It had been “significantly harmed” late last summer when one of the blades hit a root from a tree.
Finally I had a good day! Saturday, May 12, I managed to get started on work to finish the home improvement project that was halted by onset of winter many months ago. It is very difficult for me to work on anything when I am feeling so overwhelmed, but if I can just get this done and clear all the stuff that got crammed in my living space during this project it may help me to feel better.
Hi Paul,
It’s good to see that your blog stopped “rebelling” against you (is it taking lessons from Boo, I wonder!)and you managed to leave your comments on the last entry.
I’m happy and relieved to know you got food, even if it’s junk, and also that the dentist went well and you’re feeling improvements on that sore spot.
From what I know it also takes some time to simply get used to dentures, even when adjusted, but as my mother says, we get used to most anything, so it’s just a matter of being patient and letting time do its work. As somebody who followed the whole difficult process you had to go through to get where you are regarding this dental issue, it’s wonderful to see how far you came and how much better you are now than in the beginning of it all.
I understand feeling awful about the junk food. I now and then do what you did and feel terrible about it, too. I think there must be something in sugar that makes us feel better at least temporarily, relieving anxiety and depression, and in this sense it’s almost like a medicine. Not saying it’s good to eat like that, it’s just an explanation why sometimes maybe we can’t resist, I don’t know.
I also feel awful when I eat junk but there’s always another day to try to do better.
I’m going to finish here because I’m curious to read the next entries!
Best wishes,
Nadia
Hi Nadia,
Oh my goodness… if the blog is taking lessons from Boo, I am in BIG trouble! 😉 Eventually it did let me post comments on that last entry, but only after several attempts.
I understand it takes time (some say a year or more) to get used to dentures. I didn’t realize they would seem quite so foreign or that it could take that long. Oh well, I will keep at it.
The high sugar junk food is becoming an every day obsession with me. I’m hoping when my stress and anxiety levels drop off I will be able to escape again. This is not the first time I have had this problem. Sugar definitely gives that “feel good” boost, at least for a short time.
Best wishes,
Paul