Friday: Reject!

I’m writing this post in lieu of screaming, which would scare Boo. 😉

If days could be rejected for failure to meet acceptable standards, this one would surely be on my reject list. There are days when I wonder what I am doing living independently. Well, more or less independently. What I mean is I am not (yet) in a group home or assisted living facility. If I were to look at my situation objectively (as an outsider would), I don’t see how I could fail to conclude that is where I should be.

It is a beautiful, warm, sunny day; temperature nearly 40 degrees F, no breeze to speak of. Snow is melting. What a perfect day (weather wise) for a trip to town. I had a number of errands to do, some important. I woke up feeling tired and very anxious, which made for a slow start to the day. I became even more anxious, dreading what should be a routine trip to town. I have no explanation for this, other than it may be a side affect of an emotionally challenging week.

By the time I got calmed down enough to venture out, I had missed the window of opportunity on using the ATM (before opening hours). That creates some complications. Monday I have a rare opportunity to shop for items I can neither get in this small town nor order online (hazardous materials > shipping nightmares > no vendor wants to bother). If I don’t get to that ATM before Monday morning, I will have to forget about any such shopping. Not only that, but I lack sufficient funds for the co-payment at the appointment with the denturist Monday. I can pay it, if I pay a significant portion in change. I’m sure they will accept that, but it will raise the bar on stress very considerably. My options on getting to the ATM are not the best: today after closing, which means traversing five miles of icy roads in the dark; tomorrow in a snow storm; or Sunday in bitter cold and high winds. Hmm. I sense a small adventure in the making! Who’s up for skating in the dark? 🙂 Aw, come on… it’ll be fun. Never a dull moment, guaranteed!

On the way to town something happened which completely derailed me. I really don’t want to get into the details, other than to say it was the simplest of human interactions; something which wouldn’t in any way be a bump in the road to any healthy person.  Yet it completely put the brakes on my errand run. I continued on, walked up and down Main Street several times, very nervously; but was unable to enter any place of business or accomplish any of the tasks on my list. Eventually I just gave up and returned home.

As I write this (early afternoon) I am experiencing some digestive system distress due to today’s high anxiety. I’m hoping to get that under control in time to make an evening run to the ATM. That seems the best option, given the weather forecast.