Help! Imposter!

Someone or some thing has invaded my body! I’m doing things I don’t do! Just kidding. 🙂 But it has been a most extraordinary day for me.

Even before dawn it was obvious getting to that appointment today would be impossible. Any attempt in this weather would be a suicide run. Jessica had called late yesterday to tell me she had tried again to reach someone in a position of authority to render a decision on completing my application by phone (with her assistance) and/or mail, but still had not heard back from that person.

I was stressing about missing the appointment and wondering if I would be allowed to reschedule after bing a no-show.

I thought about the people from the support group who offered to make a phone call for me. There were three of them! I was blown away that people from far away who I know only through email, blogs, etc. would make such an extremely kind and generous offer.

I thought about Jessica, who had been working on this problem for two days, using her own time and resources in part.

I don’t know that I can put the feeling that followed into words exactly. It was as though a wave of something washed over me. Suddenly I felt almost like a real person, someone people cared about and were trying to help. My internal dialog is usually more thinking of myself as something, not someone. It’s the low self esteem I suppose.

The next thing I remember is being on the phone explaining to someone at the office I was supposed to be at later this morning why I could not be there. She was very kind and understanding. My appointment has been rescheduled for December 23. I’m not sure how that is going to work, as winter will be full blown here by then. It’s the Friday before Christmas and no one will be working (case manager, DLS worker). But at least for now crisis has been averted.

As I hung up the phone I noticed Boo giving me this very quizzical, puzzled look, as if to say “What are you doing?” Even the cat thinks it is most unusual for me to be using the phone! 😉

I’m pretty sure my heart rate was up around 200 about that time, and my stomach was doing back flips. But I had made the call!

A little while later Jessica called to tell me she was going to call the office and let them know I wasn’t able to come in today. I told her it was OK, that I had called and rescheduled. I don’t know if I have ever heard her sound so surprised!

I spent most of the day watching movies with Boo. It was so nice to not be in a  panic about work that needed to be done yesterday or preferably earlier! Well, to clarify, I watched movies. Boo curled up on me and went to sleep!