I’m a little behind on posts since I’ve been putting in so many exhausting hours on my project. I’m taking part or most of today off because my body is near its limit from unaccustomed physical activity and after-affects of multiple panic attacks. It has been an eventful week with both successes and failures.
Thursday I got a call from the agency I get case management and daily living support services from, to let me know my request for change of case manager was being processed. I should be getting a call from the new case manager sometime this week.
Friday I decided to put it all on the line in order to get more materials for my project. I needed some lumber as well as small items, which would mean asking for what I wanted and arranging to have them deliver it. On the first trip to town I had multiple panic attacks and finally aborted with nothing accomplished. After settling down somewhat I tried again with similar results. Realizing that without new materials I would be at a full stop within days, and most of my upcoming time with workers was already filled, I made a third attempt. Again I had panic attacks, some resulting in collecting myself from the gravel, grass, and/or bushes. I had one bad panic attack in the store, but fortunately it occurred while I was choosing small items and in a back corner where no one noticed. I got my small items. At checkout I managed to mumble that I needed some lumber too. I immediately felt another panic attack coming on and knew this one would surely go fully cycle, so I limited my request to two items and fled the scene. A partial success, but at a high price. Having panic attacks at that store only makes them more likely the next time. So one could think of it as a step backward even though I did get some of what I needed. They delivered those two items late Friday, but I still need to go back and order the rest of the lumber I need.
Sunday I was on my way back from town when a friend/acquaintance called to me from across the street. I’m never sure what to call my few “friends”. I would like to think I have friends, but I see them so infrequently due to my issues it is hard to think of them that way. He wanted to tell me he had re-stained the small building which houses my repeater (automated radio communications relay system). It was fortuitous and interesting that I should run into this particular person. I had been planning to call him on the radio later that day (the phone being out of the question for me) to ask (with great difficulty!) whether he might be headed to the nearby city soon and whether I might catch a ride there to buy screws in large quantity. I should add this wasn’t completely “out of the blue”. He is one of a few who knows something of my struggles and has offered to help out if possible. At this chance encounter I did manage to pose the question. As it turned out he was headed to the city immediately. One more important item obtained.
By the way, my use of the term “city” may be somewhat confusing to those who live in the real world! I live in a town of 2500 population. The “city” to which I often refer, some 35 miles distant, has a population around 35,000 I believe. I realize that is still a small town to many, but around here it is big and most of us think of it as the “city”.