I’m reminded of a familiar line from a song: “Sometimes you’re the windshield, sometimes you’re the bug.” I’m feeling like the bug this week!
The dental exam Tuesday went very well but ended poorly. Evidently my daily living support services worker had met with success convincing someone that I really do need her with me for effective communication. They did not argue at all and seemed to be expecting that she would be with me throughout the process. The dentist was kind and agreed, based on the letter and a subsequent talk with my therapist, that it would be in my best interest to have all the teeth extracted. Wonderful! But the appointment ended with a referral to the same oral surgeon I spent the last year learning to fear and distrust. Apparently I’m stuck with that one or nothing. All I can hope for at this point is that my worker is able to pull off another miracle.
Today I had the second appointment with my new case manager (the previous one having moved on to another position in the organization). My initial reaction to this new person was anxiety and it intensified during the second meeting. I’m wondering how to get myself out of this! Not only is this a person I will not be able to work effectively with, but most likely one that will take me backward rather than forward. It’s not his fault. I’m sure he is very good at his job but he just isn’t someone I can be comfortable with. This could well be disaster in the making if I don’t find a way to extract myself from this situation.
Meanwhile several important matters continue to be unresolved. This is life as usual for me. Things come up that should be dealt with, but my anxiety prevents me from doing so. Sooner or later they start to pile up and I get completely overwhelmed. My home has several issues that are causing progressive damage. What would have been simple, inexpensive repairs a year ago now require more time and expense. Soon they will become major structural problems if something isn’t done. Yet I remain powerless to pick up the phone and order materials to take care of the problems. I need to make an appointment to apply for assistance with winter heating costs, but that too eludes me. Several other matters in the same vein are also on my “wish to do” list. All I can do is hope things don’t pass a point of no return before I have an extraordinarily high functioning period or find some other way to deal with these situations.